Going 50 in 2010

In the next couple days its going to be 2010...2009 was a bit low key for me. I sort of mellowed, not the firebrand I use to...be it at work or personal and family life. It seems life took a "break" in 2009. Can't put a finger-why? Hmmm..blame it on the economy I guess...

My health probably played a factor too. It's true when they say health is wealth. I have been in and out of hospital more than I should. People around me adviced me to do exercise...just didnt get around to do it consistently...so I guess its my fault for being in the state of health that i am in now...

The "break" in 2009 gave me a lot of thinking time about my life by going down some memory lane. Biggest top of the mind question..have I done justice to my life? Did I do good with it? I can't really find the answers to these tough questions...not yet. But I do feel a sense of having a lot of near "missed opportunities"...you know...could have achieved this with 'if's" surrounding all the "missed opportunities" kind of thing...

I feel I could achieve greater heights from what I am now...the cliche - the choices you make dictates the life you lead holds true...I m not saying I m not thankful for what I have been given by the grace of God but I know God would have loved me more if I had done things more along His guidance...I realised this to be important in 2009 as I look at my family, brothers, sisters and friends who depends on me...I could have given them more...

For 2010 its going to be a year, I think for me, there will be a lot of hard choices to make and high degree of committment. A lot of resolutions have been made in the past but 2010 I beleive ,as far I am concerned, I need to be honest to myself and God...I have a need to fulfilled those committments coz time is not on my side...I owed it to my family and to God who have never deserted me despite my transgressions....Being 50 in 2010...

Getting Hung up on my 20th Wedding Anniversary..

Today I celebrate my 20th Wedding Anniversary....wow...how time flies. So what's its like being married for 20 years. One thing for sure is I m being blessed with the most wonderful woman who gave me 4 actually 5, 1 pass away...wonderful children. What makes it more special, my parents found this woman for me....after I failed to find one despite the many opportunities...

On the day I first met her, so many questions went thru my mind...will I be able to give her the love that every woman wants?....will she feel it too?...will I live up to her expectations.?..will I fail her....?

My past bachelor history at that time was not what you can say a "clean sheet"...I have this motto similar to the US Marines - Be All You Can Be....I embrace it not just in words but actions too....Somehow I tend to see that in my sons' behavior but in a good way...its alway been a concern for me that my children might pick up some of my "impure" elements...Anyway I think I have been a good father to them.....sometime I feel guilty or a bit hypocrite telling them things they should not do or do when I myself in those days were doing it or not doing it.....

But I believe my wife knows this in her own ways...she doesn't say it but I can see it her eyes...she knows that I m not the "by the book" type of guy....I guess that's the reason I found love with her...love kind of grow on me and probably her too in our relationship...if not I won't be celebrating 20 years of marriage with her.......Honey, I love the gift For the Love of my Life by Lidia Maria Riba